Skytower + Sunset; Rangitoto Island and some tourists



Jen's fantastic bird piccie, and the hole in the rock



Caving, black-water style; mud glorious mud at one of Rotorua's thermal parks



Alright Geyser, and us, luging (note the man-breasts)



Maori cultural show...



Zorbing and the agrodome (those rams are real by the way...)



The best sunset ever - East Cape





THE BOAT!! - in the middle of the road, having just fallen off it's trailer, we missed it by all of a couple of metres...

We strolled round Napier on Saturday, looking at and photographing many of it's art deco buildings. After a while, feeling a bit deco-ed out (thank God we didn't actually live in the 30's - God, a decade of deco what a thought...) we fell into a cracking Irish bar and had a nice lunch and a bit of Guinness. Feeling suitable refreshed we managed to find a new leatherman (hooray) which cost about the same as the hotel gave us back so that was OK. The weather took a turn for the worst so we headed back to the campsite. Jen stopped to stroke an adorable puppy which sent it's owners (two straggly teenagers wearing hooded tops - need I say more...;) ) into a fit of rage. They promptly left KFC and followed us all the way back to the campsite. He looked suitably enough nutter-esque for us to cross the road a couple of times, and stop at a couple of shops to try to shake them off but it didn't work. In the end as we turned the corner for the campsite we legged it and they didn't follow!! God and Jen was only trying to be friendly for godssake...if you leave your puppy tied to a lmap-post that's what you get!

Onwards and upwards to Taupo - home of the famous crater lake. In 186 AD one of the largest ever volcanic eruptions occured here in NZ and it created Lake Taupo - some 18 by 25 miles. In parts it is 250m deep, and when a storm hits 3m waves are considered normal. This afternoon we took a trip out in 'Barbary', skippered by Bill Dawson - who's lived in Taupo for most of his 61 years. In that time he's seen the town grow from just 700 to 22,000 people. The 80km trip to Rotorua took 5 hours when he was a kid, now it takes just over an hour. The boat itself is a 40ft ketch (2 masts) built in 1926. A certain Mr Errol Flynn once won it in a game of cards and then presumably used it as some kind of floating harem. For Bill it's been a bit of a labour of love as he bought it as a wreck back in 1976 (for $3,000 - about 1,000 quid) and then took 7 years to restore it before starting up trips to the Maori carvings (quite nice but not worth the admission fee alone) when the tourist thing caught on in Taupo. The wind wasn't really strong enough for a sail so we motored along and he shared some interesting tales and listened to ours and those from others. All in all it was a great couple of hours and worth stopping here for.

We're heading back up to Wai-O-Tomo tomorrow - which is near Rotorua before retracing our steps and crossing the desert road south towards Palmerston North and Wellington. We're hoping to find a (cheap) company that will take us out for a bit of fly fishing as the trout here are exceptional apparently (if they were that exceptional they surely wouldn't get caught...?)

We celebtrated our last night in Rotorua with that staple Kiwi fare - curry. Fantastic it was too. At long last we've found one Jen enjoyed and wuill have again - a lamb nowabi whatever that contained. On checking out and driving a bit we found our leatherman to be absent (this is no.2) and to cut a long story short the hotel deny one of their people has nicked it despite us not having it and it never having left the room. Eventually they offered us 200 dollars to buy a new one which we are pleased with.

From Rotorua we headed north to Tauranga (pronounced, in the usually weird Kiwi way, Tower-onga, not tour-anga as you would expect...) to get Jen's teeth fixed by the son of her boss' ex-biology teacher. He was great and clearly undercharged us too. Hats off to Mr Gareth Gregg BDS, I know this is a long shot but if you ever need a dentist at short notice in the north island he's your man...

We had some time to burn before the dental appointment so managed to visit Mount Manganui which, after the oil refineries en route, turned out to be a really pleasant little beach resorrt. The mount obviosuly dominates the skyline but the area is not too touristy and we spent a nice hour or so sipping coffee and people watching...

After deciding we couldn't really justify or afford a trip to White Island (NZ's most active volcano) (having recently been to Rangitoto $135 each seemed alot of cash) we decided to miss it out and head around the Eastern Cape. We stopped overnight at a small place called Te Kaha and caught the most fantastic sunset - all purples, reds and oranges - on our own little private beach. It was worth the stay in the middle of nowhere.

Our plan for today was to head out to the Eastern Cape lighthouse (600 steps up - it's located on the top of a cliff....never of guessed huh?) after stopping at Te Araroa Pohutukawa which is a massive tree basically. Only 2 problems we found with these plans...
1) The 20 km gravel road to the cape was so bad we only managed 1 km before having to turn back)
2) We couldn't find the bloody tree, perhaps, judging by the number of timber-trucks we passed it's now a canoe, woodchips or MDF.

Hence we sped on - through Gisborne, where Cook first landed (on the mainland) and Dame Kiri Te Kanewa was born, and onto Napier where we now reside. The trip between Gisborne and Napier wasn't without incident though. Our van is utterly pathetic at climbing hills, however this probably saved us a nasty incident this afternoon. We were climbing on of the many hundred hills at about 50 km/h behind a car with a boat on a trailer. Suddenly the boat slipped it's (obviously rather weak) morrings and slid off the back of the trtailer and skidded to a halt in the middle of the road. Fortunately the car brakes better than it accelerates and we can to a halt about a metre or so behind the boat. Can you imagine that on the insurance claim form 'hit boat...200 metres up a hill...' Anyhow we got out, helped the bloke get his boat back on his trrailer, secured it a little tighter and with frayed nerves headed onwards.

Napier was destoyed by an earthquake in 1931 and was rebuilt from nothing. It is meant to be the finest example of an art-deco city anywhere in the world, with the possible exception of Miami...but after meeting 'Jim from Florida' the other night I would suggest the people may be a little easier to get on with here. we plan on having a full day wandering and photographing tomorrow before leaving on Sunday.

One very weird thing we have found in NZ is their love of throwing things up in the air and making them land (and stay) on electrical wires. So far we have seen a large demestos bottle, a pair of shoes, and the best of all today - a tea cup repleat with saucer. Why - no idea? The kiwis are also obsessive about the weather - you can't have a break between records on the local redio without the presenter commenting on the showers, or even getting people to phone up to comment about them...all very amusing and very reminiscent of the UK.

Well we have accomplished our mission - we've zorbed, luged and spa-ed and they were all great...but more of that later. We spent yesterday morning visiting Te Whakarewarewa which is New Zealand's 'largest Maori cultural and geothermal visitior attraction'... some 150-odd acres in all. The first thing you notice is the smell - the natural pools give off a kind of sulphur 'bad-eggs' smell and we found out that after a while it gives you a bit of a headache. In my case my vision went a bit funny too but I put that down to the contact lenses. The site itself is really split into two distinct areas: The New Zealand Maori arts & Crafts Instiutute, along with original Maori buildings, and the geo-thermal area. The Maori architechture we had already seen a bit of in Northland so we skipped into the (more exciting) land of Geysers (pronounced Gigh-zer not geezer to my surprise and disappointment, this meant I couldn't go up to them and whisper 'awight geezer' like a cockney) and mud-pools. The largest geyser and most impressive is Pohutu which erupts to some 30 metres...when it feels like it at any rate. We saw it at about 10 metres but it was still impressive and good fun. The surrounding area is a real 'moonscape', although no American flags here (pleny of American visitors though...) They also have a kiwi sanctuary which is in the dark, as they are nocturnal, so you get to see them running around and digging for worms. They are weird looking but strangely enchanting, and we spent a good few minutes observing. Unfortunately the kiwi is highly threatened over here with only about 50,000 left in the wild. Dogs, cats and possums are the main culprits, with one dog alone responsible for tens of deaths in a single day last year.

We decided it was too wet for golf (that fine rain making a reappearance) but instead headed out to a cablecar (Skyline) that gave you a good view of the surrounding area. at the top the luge - a kind of go kart with no engine that just hurtles downhill. You basically sit in this thing and hope and prey you make it round the corners without it tipping you out onto the cold, wet concrete. It was great fun. After the first ('Scenic') run we moved on to the 'intermediate' course (where I won) and then the 'advanced' where Jen won the first one fair and square before overtaking me as I was slowing for the end of the race on the third and final race. She had the cheek to say she won and quite frankly if she wants such a hollow victory she's entitled to it...bad loser moi?

Onto our hotel, which is lovely by the way, and yes, it's nice to be out of that campervan, even if it is just for a couple of days. They put a little note in the room saying congrats on your 3rd anniversary and some chocolates too which we thought was a nice touch. Quick bath (never ever thought I'd think of a bath as a luxury) and then onto our 'traditional Maori experience' - the Hangi. when we turned up some 20 minutes before it was due to start there was already about 50 American tourists in evidence and they had already decided the all-American boy, Jim, from Florida, was going to be chief for the evening. What about me, what about all the Koreans due to arrive in ten minutes. Not a chance, Jim had already decided he would lead the free world...must be an American trait... Jim then received the 'peace twig' on our behalf. Given recent events I half-expected him to pull a grenade out from under his jacket, throw it at the Maori and liberate New Zealand. Anyway enough of this, the food was ordinary, bit like any other buffet the world over, just that this one was supposedly cooked in an oven over hot stones. Supposedly because when they opened the oven to show us how they'd cooked it it looked spotless and the food was conveniently placed at the top. Nonetheless the opening of the ovens sent the Americans (most of them middle aged with fat stomachs, wallets and heads) and Japanese apoplectic with excitement and they videoed the whole event. God help their friends when they get home...'Wow, look an oven' 'Yeah and here's the best bit, it's got food in it...' Hours and hours of fun - guaranteed.

Thankfully, or so we thought, we were sat not with the Americans, but with two Aussie ladies (I use that word very loosely). It turns out the only thing they had any interest in was rugby which wasn't all bad but you tend to tire of it after, ooh say, an hour of nothing else to talk about.

Now the entertainment was everything the food wasn't - colourful, interesting, and fun. The group of nine, in traditional Maori dress, seranaded us for about 45 minutes before encouraging us to participate, women throwing balls on string about (Jen didn't) and men, 'The Haka' (I did). It was great fun, and all in all the night was well worth going to, even if the food was, I suspect, a little less than authentic.

This morning we decided to take a trip out to 'The Agrodome'. This is not a place where you walk in, look at someone's bird and get loads of hassle, no sirree, the agro here stands for agriculture. How refreshing it was to meet up with Jim his anorexic, plastic-faced wife, and tour-group cronies again this morning for the sheep show. The show itself was quite fun, 19 pure-bred rams were paraded whilst some bloke in a vest (it's winter...hello!!) gave a funny, well rehearsed commentary. A couple of times the sheep either fell asleep, or decided to headbutt each other for food, but in the main they were well chaperoned by vest-man. He then sheared (shore? shorned?) one for good measure, stating that the world record time for one sheep being sheared stands at an astounding 21 seconds. (Maybe it was this that was the inspiration for the So Solid Crew? -

'I've got 21 seconds to shear, I've got 21 seconds to shear, so if I catch it on the ear, you'll see the blood flow, I've 21 seconds to go' perhaps not but it's a thought...).

The funiest part (for me and Jen at least) was the cow milking when assorted kids were invited on stage to milk a cow with the biggest udders you've ever seen. The kids were joined by a rather large Californian woman named (I kid you not) BERTHA...oh how we laughed. How I stopped myself from shouting 'which one are you going to milk kids?' I'll never know. Anhow after this we bade a fond farewell to Jim and his lot and scampered as quickly as our van would take us to the Zorbing site.

Zorbing, invented in NZ, consists of throwing youself down a hill in a big rubber sphere. You have 2 options for this - strapped in or with a bucket of water over you so you slip and slide around. We did the latter (both at once), twice! It was fantastic fun and we've got a video clip or two the prove it thanks to Jen's diving case for her camera.

The Polynesian spa was our last port of call today - we tried all the pools, ranging from 36 to 42 degrees (you'll just have to trust me - 42 degrees is damn hot) before an Aix massage - recommended to us by a couple we met whilst rafting. It consists of jets of water being squirted all over you whilst you have a massage. although the rooms looked a bit like an abbatoir it was excellent and I did my usual massage trick of falling asleep.

On our way back to the hotel for our last night of luxury (normality?) for 4 months I stopped off at a map shop and found out the Tongariro crossing that we wanted to do is shut to everyone without 'extensive alpine experience'. Apparently it's crampons and ice-picks only at the mo (what no clothes...???) so we're thinking of getting down to South Island a little earlier than planned, a couple of days before Jen's parents arrive on the 8th Sept.

Jen's managed to find a dentist that'll see her at short notice (the son of her ex-boss' Biology teacher nonetheless...) so a short stop at Tauranga tomorrow before heading off to see the White Volcano.

We finally made it to Rangitoto Island on Sunday, at the second time of asking. The weather was glorious, not a cloud in the sky, in sharp contrast to the previous 3 or 4 days further north. We cought the 9.15 ferry, arriving just under half an hour later. The island itself was formed after a volcanic eruption just 600 years ago although it's thought to be extinct now. Before arriving we had already decided to take the route to the top and back before catching the 12.45 ferry back to Auckland. It was interesting to see some mums & dads struggling with pushchairs, they obviously presumed the track would be pushchair friendly. It wasn't - far from it. The walk to the summit (about an hour) was unremarkable. The flora was pretty boring (only the strong and seemingly most uninteresting plants can grow here) and there was little fauna to speak of. However the view from the top was astounding - we could see all of Auckland City, a number of the other islands and even as far over as the Coromandel Peninsula some 50 kms away. It was worth the trudge and we spent a good half hour taking in the views and having a pre-packed sarnie. On the way back down we visited the lava caves where we ventured about 100 metres through a semi-dark passageway that eventually came out further down the hill - all great fun. It was a little more dangerous than it sounds (although not alot if truth be known) as we forgot to pack a torch.

Leaving Auckland we headed south to Waitomo - home of the famous glow-worm caves and 'black-water rafting'. En route we saw small lambs, piglets, and also calves...maybe spring really is on the way and we'll get some better weather. We also saw (well Jen did) a 'weird looking thing, bit like a cross between a deer and a horse' - her words, not mine. Black-water rafting is where you climb down into a cave and then float inside on an inner tube down some rapids and also through the glow-worm caves. It was superb, despite the fact that they got us dressed up like extras from 'Fashion Retards - the Movie'. The wetsuits/helmets et al did the trick and kept us relatively warm and we went through a couple of caves with hundred of glow-worms in them. In the pitch black it was an enthralling sight. Apparently the life-span of a glow-worm is thus: eat for 9 months, have sex for 3 days, give birth and die. Apart from the last couple of days that sounds like just about the best lifestyle you could ask for. Our guide, John, also does 'proper' caving and has got 'stuck' on a couple of occasions on a vertical squeeze or something like that. He says last year a woman was stuck for 42 hours and that 90% of people who get 'stuck' die. You can probably appreciate that he wasn't selling this sport to me that well...

Anyhow the jumping down waterfalls, floating and the like was amazing - a great hour or so and, had we had more time and money we'd have probably done it again.

We moved on again afterwards and are now in Rotorua - home to Zorbing (throwing youself down a hill in a big ball), luging (throwing youself down a hill on a cart) and nice relaxing thermal spas, which we're going to need after the first 2 activities.

Tomorrow is our 3rd wedding anniversary, and we're booked into a nice hotel, that we can't really afford for a couple of nights to celebrate. We're also going to go luging, golfing, and thermal spa-ing tomorrow, before the hangi in the evening - traditional Maori show and meal - tomorrow night.

Close followers of this tripe will know I like my irony and here we are again...Jen has broken a tooth (well a filling has fallen out). You couldn't get more ironic unless you were a recruitment consultant who didn't know how or where to find a job...erm....

Think of the worst event you've ever been to, a school fete or fundraising gala perhaps. Multiply it by 10 and add in a charge to enter (!) and you've got the Whangerai Craft Fair. From 'easy-iron' ironing boards to a bloke selling seeds (these are edible apparently, you don't plant them like normal people and wait for (tastier) things to grow) it was all truly awful. The only saving grace was a stall selling chutneys and the like - they had some fantastic lemon curd. Although for the entrance fee and curd price combined I could have shipped some from Mars. The only even vaguely funny moment was when the seed man asked to his enthralled audience (the old women and one small child) 'Who wants to try these seeds?' and everyone looked at each other completely disinterestedly. At that moment I kinda wished I'd have produced a budgarigar as I'm sure it would have eaten them...

The weather continued getting worse throughout the day and we were virtual prisoners at the campsite from mid-afternoon onwards. We took this time to do some laundry and play some pool and table-tennis. Now usually I don't mind Jen beating me at the odd game of pool but she not only beat me at pool she went on to thrash me at t-t. And I was really trying. She stuffed me, spanked me, call it what you will...

With our dive trip planned for today we had a tough call to make but at 6.30 when we got up the weather hadn't improved any so we took a raincheck (ba-boom...) and decided to travel back to Auckland. This means tomorrow (when the weather is supposedly going to improve) we can visit Rangitoto Island which we wanted to do earlier but couldn't because of the weather...confused...so am I. The van we've had was singularly awful so we've swapped it and used the money we saved on diving to upgrade. It's much more spacious, although I couldn't work out why it wouldn't go above 80 (km/h) on the motorway...until I realised I'd left the handbrake on. One quick stop to wait for the brakes to cool down and the smell to dissipate and we were on our way...'much better' I thought, we hit 80 in no time...

So, tomorrow in Auckland before we head down to Waitomo for some black water rafting...this is basically caving on an inner tube in an underground river with no lights only glow-worms to guide you...should be fun.

One really good part about NZ has been the pubs - well the 2 we've been in anayway. In stark contrast to Aus where the pubs were nearly always awful...here they are bright, airy, and clean. There are also fewer seedy types (until we enter obviously) propping up the bars.

Part two in a series of 'diversions on the way to our campsites' was Whangerai (pronounced Fong-er-ay - all the people in the City are so impressed I know how to say it...who says local radio doesn't serve a purpose...?) Falls - a big waterfall, described as the most picteresque in New Zealand. They were nice enough although the river below was a horrid chocolate brown colour, reminiscent of Willa Wonka's chocolate river, due to the run-off from the rain.

Our telly has blown up - it gave up the ghost last night after 1 whole evening's useage. There was a smell of burning plastic, a puff of smoke, some flames and then (thank God) it all subsided leaving a useless piece of electronics. We've been in today and got our money back. Today is the Craft Fair that we heard advertised on local radio (we've got no telly remember so it's our only form of entertainment now...). We're a bit worried as there are no adverts for it anywhere, no posters, nothing. It'll be awful and I'd bet my last dollar on that much. We've booked in for a days diving tomorrow but if the weather stays like it is now (cold, wet, foggy, windy) it'll probably just be an hour or so on a boat...

Rachel and Sandeep (Jen's brother and her boyfriend) have booked flights to join us all in Spain for New Year so it'll be me, Jen, my Mum and Ken, my brother and Rachel and Sandeep. Should be great fun, although it'll be near the end of the trip we're really looking forward to it.

New Zealand is more like England than we thought. It has rained and rained and rained for two days solid now. We've left Auckland and headed north and are now in The Bay of Islands in a lovely little place called Paihia. From here we were hoping to dive the wreck of The Rainbow Warrior, Greenpeace's flagship which was bombed and sunk by the French in 1985...but...the weather's so bad the dive company here has taken it's boat out of operation for a week and a half meaning we can't get to it. To be honest the bay looks as cloudy as hell anyway so maybe it's not too bad a thing. The trip up was fairly uneventful, we stopped of for a lovely breakfast at a cafe on the side of a hill where the winds were so strong I thought the van might blow over...needless to say they didn't, and a full English (or full New Zealand?) later we were off...

The scenery itself is reminiscent of any national park in the UK. Perhaps most like the Lake District at the present time, as there are lakes at the sie of just about every road. The only disconcerting thing about these lakes are the treetops that are just visable above the (rising) water...

We're hoping to see the famous 'hole in the rock' tomorrow which is...a hole in a rock. The water was so high today that the hole was not visible...Friday to Sunday is the Whangarei craft fair so I'm letting Jen drag me along (shoul give me some chance of getting to a rugby match or two...) before we head back down. It's looking pretty unlikely that we can do any diving but we're half thinking (well less than half really, more like eighth thinking) about pushing our flight to Chile back a week to enable us to get back up north in October - when the conditions are better...

New Zealand is so similar to England. If you think Aus and England are similar - come here!!! From the smaller streets and accompanying traffic, to the multi-cultured atmostphere Auckland would fit erally well into England. It has it's fair share of parks and interesting places too, some of which we've visited over the last couple of days.

After a lie-in we decided to venture into the City - in our campervan. This was a mistake as there were no (or at least very few) car-parks which weren't multi-storey. eventually we found some on-street parking for a couple of hours. The city skyline is dominated by Skytower which rises some 328m - more about that later.

After passing some time just wandering around we visited Cash Converters (this is becoming a habit) and bought the cheapest second-hand telly they had and a CD player - we managed to get both for about 70 quid! Then onwards and upwards to Mount Eden where a short drive took you nearly 200m up the side of a steep (dormant) volcanic crater. The views from the top were excellent, although we didn't manage to trek to the centre of the crater as the weather closed in just as we were about to start the heading down. Following a bit of a drive we ended up on the East side of the city (past millionaire's row) at Kelly Tarlton's Antactic Explorer. Kelly died just a few weeks after the construction of the centre in 1985, aged 47, and despite trying I couldn't find out how he died. It seems such a young age for a fit and healty guy - maybe it was caused by the stress of building this huge centre, which was excellent by the way! Aside from an unremarkable aquarium (not another I hear you cry - that's at least 4 now...) it houses an exact replica of Scott's Antarctic base from the 1910-12 expedition and also an Antarctic area where you get to ride on a snow-cat through real snow and see penguins in their (semi) natural environment. There's also a cool little cutaway section where you can see them swimming. It was so good we went around twice! Just time to catch a coulpe of pictures of the sunset before heading back for a food shop.

Today has been a really great day. The first place we visited was the marina and the Auckland visitor's centre. We saw a couple of the America's Cup yachts and also discovered that the weather for tomorrow, our planned day on a boat visiting the islands, is predicted to be 'wet, with gale force winds'. This forced us into a re-think, and we are (semi) reluctantly heading north tomorrow up towards the Poor Knights Islands. We continued on tot he War Memorial Museum of Auckland which looks a bit like a Greek temple - made that way as many of the returning soldiers were stationed in the Med during WW I (would they want to have been reminded of the war though...?) There is currently a fantastic exhibition on the Peruvian tribal culture, based mainly upon the value of gold and ritual killings. At the start of the exhibition was a painted jug from around 2,000 years ago. All the further exhibits formed a part of the stories on that jug and slowly pieced the story together. It has really whetted our appetite for Peru and the Inca trail. The Museum also housed countless other exhibits on Maori culture and WWs I and II to name just a couple.

We decided to walk back into the city (about 3km) and went via a huge park (Auckland Domain) the university that houses a fantastic clocktower. Our last port of call was to be the Skytower and we duly went as high as we could (about 2/3 of the way up) and enjoyed some great views of the city. Downstairs is a casino and we put a token bet on a roulette table - Jen made the call (red) and it, rather predictably came up...BLACK...should have known really in the land of the All Blacks and all that.

Tomorrow we're going to start heading north for some diving and then it's back down to Rotorua and the thermal spas before some 'black water' rafting among the glo-worms in the Waitomo Caves.

Back in Freo we decided to go to the prison which closed, after a riot, in 1991. It was an interesting hour or so, and we even got to see the gallows complete with rope still swinging. Afterwards we went for a quick run around the market where I had my tarot read. Really interesting stuff - I shose all 4 aces (you choose 10 cards out of 78) which she said was very strong. She described me as strong minded, indecisive and sexy as hell (I made one of those up...) and seemed surprisingly accurate. Apparently I will come into some money in May...lottery tickets WILL be bought...

In the evening (Friday) we decided to go out for a meal as Saturday was to be an overnight flight. We found a great little Italian - Sandrino (not a helpful dwarf called Marco) - and had a wonderful meal - all the better as we hadn't eaten outside a campervan for weeks!!

So, it's goodbye to Aus - we've had some real highlights; the diving, Ayers Rock, Sydney, The Whitsundays, couple of nights out in Melbourne, Darwin and the crew there, Fraser Island et al, and only one real lowlight. All in all it's been fantastic and we will be back one day to see the bits we haven't this time round, and to revisit some of our fave places.

We're now in Auckland - it seems like a really nice, open-spaced, interesting city. We arrived at 5pm yesterday and eventually picked up our van around 6pm leaving the depot at 7. It took us 90 minutes (and over 50 kms) to find our campsite. Tired, hungry and p***ed off we eventually rolled up just before 9. Fortunately there was a Pizza Hut next door which we made use of...with it being Sunday all the shops were shut. The day in transit was awful - we got really bad legroom seats (Jen had some sort of post where her feet should have gone) and couldn't sleep on the overnighter and then tried to grab an hour or so in the terminal before boarding the midday(ish) flight to Auckland. That one was a little better but we could have done without the hordes that descended on the departure lounge for the 2 earlier flights to Japan...

So, a couple of days in Auckland ahead - Rangitoto Island is on the agenda tomorrow as well as the Skytower and a couple of other things. From here we're heading north to do some diving at the world renowned Poor Knights Islands (in Jacques Cousteau's top ten world dive sites) and we'll also hopefully get to dive the wreck of the Rainbow Warrior. That should mean our anniversary should be spent in some thermal spa or other at Rotorua - at least that's the plan fo now...

In Perth airport - waiting for our flight to Brisbane (11.20pm) and then our connection to Auckland (11.20am) - it's going to be a long 16 hours.

Internet is slow (think 28k modem on mogadon) and expensive (gold coins only in the slot - running out of guineas and galleons) and shit (the browser keeps crashing) so you're going to have to wait for what w've done over the last couple of days...

We spent the morning playing 'Supa'Golf in the Swan Valley. It's a new(ish) concept in that the balls are about the size of snooker balls and the club heads are similarly over-sized. This means it is impossible to hit a ball more than, say, about 150 metres. It was a par-36, nine hole course and we both did reasonably well (I thought) to finish on 45 and 46 shots, as expected Jen won by a shot.

After this we made the short trip to AQWA (Aquarium of Western Australia) which was excellent. The best thing about the place was that they exhibit different animals depending on their climate. Hence we went through a zone for Southern/Western Aus, one for the Tropics etc...

This afternoon we had our first decent look at Perth - it looks like a nice city with some great architecture and shops. We're going back on Saturday after we've dropped the campervan off. We're now in Fremantle and will be here most of tomorrow checking out the Gaol and looking round the market.

We'll be sad to leave Aus (on Sunday morning after overnight flight from Perth to Brisbane Sat night) but we're also really excited by New Zealand - it'll be nice not to have to drive a thousand kilometres without seeing anything/one...

There are nearly 3 times as many dead marsupials as friendly Australians in Western Australia. How do I know? Well it's 1250kms of boredom from Exmouth to Perth so we decided to count a few things and have a few games. We counted 287 dead roos/wallabies between Exmouth and Geraldton, 5 dead cows, one dead sheep, two or three herds (living) of goats, and one chair in the middle of the road. This compares with the number of Aussies that waved back at us when we waved at them (102). We also saw 24 road trains and passed over 25 cattle grids. When we decided to go for combos, eg Waving road train drivers (6) the excitement was almost palpable. There were a couple of waving roos too, rigor mortis having set in.

I have a couple of theories about why the number of dead animals is so high -

Ausies like killing...the first question we are always asked when we say we had an encounter with a roo is 'Did yo kill it...?' They also have a saying over here - 'The only good roo is a dead roo...' They are the biggest meat-eaters I have ever known, ee The Roadkill cafe a few weeks back in Darwin. I rest my case.

Aussie animals are very stupid and cannot spot a gap in the traffic wih a car coming along, ooooh, every half an hour.

My final theory is that all the Wallabies and Kangaroos are all committing suicide faced with the utter boredom that is the Australian outback. Maybe terrorist groupd should take note and strap some C4 to the back of them. Hell they could even form their own splinter cells - Wal-Quaida and Islamic Roo-had!!

Another weird thing was all the goats which somehow had managed to vault their endless fence and now frolicked near the roadside. I have seen pictures of goats jumping before nd they can jump up very effectively but not along too well. During one of my many moments of day-dreaming on the way down I imagined the animal olympics with a 1-2-3 for the goats in the high jump but no goat finalists in the long jump....yes it really was that dull this journey.

Anyhow here we are back in Perth after a good days and a halfs driving...3 days in and around the most remote capital in the world (closer to Singapore than Sydney) and a half day back in Fremantle before heading out of Aus before our visas run out. We arrive in New Zealand (Auckland) some time on Sunday afternoon.

The Navy Pier at Exmouth was built at 1964 and is only divable with one company, Coral Coast Divers. Having made the 2,000 km + round trip we were pretty determined to have a good dive...and we did. The entry to the divve was a little disconcerting - a giant stride from about 3 metres above the water. Jen was more than a bit hesitant but jumped before the instructor behind her pushed which is probably a good thing. The all-metal structure has slowly become covered with barnacles and coral and there is a multitude of fish down there, ranging from huge Potato Cod to a 2 1/2 metre White Tip Reef Shark (they are usually about half this size). It was another case of wondering if there was some sort of nuclear cargo down here (see the Yongala earlier on the trip) as everything was supersized. We saw a couple of Anglerfish which are so poor at swimming (they just kind of sit there looking bored) they have grown feet and now walk most places. It was an exceptional dive and well worth the trip, even though Jen's camera decided it had had enough after about 4 photos and froze completely.

Today we went out again - heading to the Murion Islands. I say heading because we never actually made it. After about 40 minutes the Captain explained we were now in the midst of 3-4m swells (for the benefit of those who weren't already throwing up) and would have to return back. Although I felt a little sick I didn't join in with the others although when asked how I felt I quipped, rather glibly, 'I'm OK and after all we're all in the same boat.'

My brother has very kindly put a compilation of sorts together for us so we've got some music for Nez Zealand, we're getting kind of bored of the same music we were listening to last year...Cheers Pat, and good luck on Friday (he's going into hospital for a gallstones op...)

Photo time - this computer has crashed on me about five times whilst uploading these - hope it's worth the effort...

Darwin Group Shot, 2 Aerial Photos of Ayers Rock and The Olgas and CRASH (notice the ripped off roof is back on, albeit upside down...)





Fremantle



ROAD TRAIN!!Me at The Blowholes



Lake Cave



Busselton Pier



Augusta Lighthouse





Gloucester Tree and The Valley of the Giants





Wave Rock





The Pinnacles (at last...)







And finally...Just to prove we did see some whales - a baby Southern Right and a diving Humpback.

We're now as far north as we'll get on the west coast of Aus - Exmouth (another English name). It's a bit warmer here - hey I've even ventured out in shorts for the first time in ages. We've booked in to do 3 dives over the course of the next 2 days - one at The Navy Pier and a couple out at the Muiron Islands. We got a really cheap price after I fed them the roo/campervan sob story!!

Today we drove. And drove. And drove... all we saw on the nearly 700 km was red soil, scrubs, and dead kangaroos. Never mind though as we are now in Carnarvon (no castle and incorrect spelling), some 367km short of our 'diving' destination - Exmouth. We have tentatively booked onto a couple of dives - they have done us a stupidly cheap rate. It would have been more expensive to do one whale shark snorkelling trip. The weather up here, whilst not as hot as back home, is fine and about 25 degrees. Tropical compared to the south coast.

Carnarvon itself is a small, and shut town - it's 5pm on a Saturday here and everything is closed...that's about all to say about it really.

What a busy few days. We have found internet access pretty hard to some by so hence the delay in the update. Anyhow - I guess we need to go back to yesterday morning when we were up and out at 8am in order to cover the 550+kms we had planned. Leaving Albany we headed north through the Stirling Ranges - a huge number of hills and mounts that looked were shrouded in a blue haze due to the Eucalyptus trees surrounding their bases. We stopped only for a couple of photos and to observe and photograph the many ROAD TRAINS that passed by us. For the uninitiated ROAD TRAINS (they are so big they deserve the capitalisation) are basically huge articulated lorries with anything from 3-5 trailers. They hurtle around the inner parts of Aus, where there is no rail system. Apparently they take a few hundred metres to stop and thus, when one comes along you basically get out of it's way and covered in dust. Great fun. About halway through the journey we passed through Kulin, where once a year there is an outback 'horse' race. I say 'horse' race because the only way we found out about this event was through the plethora of beer-can horses and riders that had been made and decorated. They were all life-size and there was probably twenty in all, spread through about 20 kilometres of roads. It certainly broke un the fairly monotomous journey.

Our first real stop for the day was at Wave Rock - just the other side of Hyden. Wave Rock is a rock that looks like, wait for it, a huge wave. Rather predictably we had our photos taken 'surfing' and the like. We also visited Hippo's Yawn which is a rock that looks like...well I bet you can guess...except that it didn't really - jnust more like a big cave.

So, with daylight running out ewe headed to Corrigin where stayed overnight in temperatures that could only be described as 'brass monkey'...

On leaving the campsite at 8am (again - this is becoming a habit) we headed to the Dog Cemetery where around 80 of 'man's best friends' now rest in piece. The fog shrouded the adjoining fields in a rather mysterious and sinister way, but you'll be pleased to know none of the dogs reappeared as Zombie-dogs or anything like that. The other claim to fame Corrigin has (other than the fact that it is the only place with 80 dead canines in one place, apart, of course from most Chinese restaurants) is that it holds the world 'Dog and Ute' record which stands at 1527, set last year. This means that last year they had 1,527 Utes (Aussie trucklike thingy - you must have heard them say Ute in Neighbours) with 1,527 dogs in them. Presumably there were 1,527 drivers too, otherwise it'd be a much more impressive boast. When they broke the record 4 years previous the 699 Utes stretched for over 7km whilst passing through the town...by my incredible mathematical ability I reckon last year it must have been around 16 kms...about 10 miles.

Onwards and upwards - off Northwest towards Perth. We passed a couple more 'sculptures' in fields including a car with the top end in the ground and thre rest sticking upwards. The word 'Buggar' (sic) had been daubed on the back - those crazy Aussies... As we passed through the old townships of York and Beverly I was worried we'd end up in Hull or Bradford and our van would end up on bricks as soon as we left it. Fortunately they stopped the Yorkshire-naming fascination at York (we'd already been through Scarborough too).

Last night we made a bit of a crazy decision...basically we're heading north. We've had a couple of weeks to think things over since the accident and are deternmines now to see everything we should have. Hence we are now back in Cervantes. this time with a fully functioning van. We finally got to The Pinnacles this afternoon, passing the spot where you can still see the skid marks where we crashed. There was a dead 'roo on the road nearby - perhaps another car did the damage...

The Pinnacles were well worth the return trip - huge monoliths in the middle of sand dune that have been formed over thousands of years. The tallest is about -3 metres tall and there must be tens of thousands of them in the National Park. We strolled around and got a good number of photos before heading back into town. Only one more diversion - the stromatolites. These are the reason you and I are here today - they effectively provided the first oxygen on the planet and thus helped make earth habitable. They didn't look much but for some reason I felt immensely satisfied having seen them.

So, here we are in Cervantes. We're moving on again tomorrow and our aim is to get as far North as is physically possible. This will mean we can get up to Ningaloo Reef and although we might not have enough money to dive we will definitely be able to snorkel. It'll also be our last chance to go to a beach and experience weather above 20 degrees for a few months.

We're still in Albany. Albany and the surrounds remind me very much of Cornwall - rugged coastlines, sheer cliffs, and charming and kind people. In the town centre itself there is a myriad of small cafes and coffee shops, one of which we stopped at today and had some of the best Bruscetta I've ever tasted. Marvellous! We went out whale watching (again) yesterday and today. Today because we didn't see any yesterday and they offered us a free trip out! Today we saw a pod of 3 humpbacks doing their thing, and although this is the 3rd time we have seen whales I still marvel and their gracefullness in the water despite weighing upwards of 50 tonnes and being over 15 metres long.

Tomorrow we're leaving Albany and heading back up in the general direction of Perth. there are some lakes on the way to Wave Rock where we will spend most of Friday. We should be able to make it up to The Pinnacles although we'll be driving that last stretch at about 40km/h!

We successfully managed to clear the bar whilst having our celebratery pint on Saturday evening. No idea why, but every single person left the bar in the 40 minutes we were in it. Maybe they were all seeking refuge in the warmer looking 'lounge'. The trip back to the campsite - all of a kilometre and a half (that's around a mile to those thinking in old money) - was awful. For a start it was raining, none of that fine rain that soaks you through either. This was more like God had decided to empty every container cantaining water and throw in all down within 1 square mile. (Incidentally I thought I'd look up clever metaphors and similes on the net for 'heavy rain/storms', my brain isn't feeling too crash hot this morning, so I thought I'd cheat. The only site I could find didn't have any although they did have 'He was as nervous as a hemophiliac in a razor factory' which I thought was quite good, if totally irrelevent). While I'm at it (irrevevance that is) what happens if you do say 'boo' to a goose? What does the goose actually do? What does it say about you? How would you catch the goose in the first place to say 'boo' to it? This came to me a few seconds after one flew toward us at a rate of knots before climbing just before experiencing windscreen armageddon. Funny how the mind (well mine at any rate) works. Anyway back to Saturday night....We eventually made it back to the 'van wetter than a polar bears backside (did that one myself - can you tell?) and as cold too. Thank God we had a heater (how ironic, thanking God when it was he (if you believe all that stuff) that just made us wet...) and, thus, managed to dry everything, even though it took a good hour for my (supposedly) quick-drying trousers to dry. The wind just got stronger and stronger throughout the evening and at times we felt like we were on a boat such was the rocking of our high-sided van.

Sunday was one of those mornings when you wake up and are glad to be alive. Bits of trees, mud, sand, small children, you name it, it was strewn all over the campsite but for some reason us, and our van, were pretty much unscathed. With the weather a little calmer we took a trip out to the Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse and joined the 9.45 tour. Our group was the usual motley crew (alas this time there was a poodle perm) and as we started to ascend the 6 flights off stairs it became apparent that one of the Aussies wouldn't be making it to the top. To describe her as a weeble would be a tad unfair, but then when have I ever been particularly fair? She made me look like Kate Moss and struggled breathing before even starting to head upwards. Still, at least she tried, one guy was left holding 4 tickets as his assorted friends left him to go up 'on their behalf' citing the weather, the height, allergies to (almost) cylindrical buildings on peninsulas etc...Anyhow back to weeble woman. She made it to platform one before her Mum (almost as rotund but seemingly a little fitter) made her excuses for her saying 'Yeah, she's a fat knacker who can't be arsed'. Or words to that effect. (She actually said 'she hasn't got a head for heights' - how I contained my urge to shout 'Liar' or counter it with 'she's certainly got a head for cakes' I'll never know). Our tour guide was excellent, highly informative (lighthouse built in 1895, 2 oceans (Southern and Indian) meet here, it is one of the most feared capes in the world along with Cape Fear and Cape Canavaral or something) but she had a kind of face that had clearly got a little weathered over the years. This made her look like she was going to burst into tears at every opportunity, although thankfully she didn't. At the same site (ish) as the lighthouse is an old, salt-encrusted, waterwheel. We went for a quick peek and couldn't decide what it's purpose was or really to be honest if it was what it said it was (couldn't see anything remotely salty wheel-esque).

Sunday was to be the 'day of the long drives' and, we duly made our way to the little town of Pemberton - home to the Gloucester Tree. This tree is hundreds of years old and stands over 60m high. Back in 1946 some kind people decided to pout rungs in it and and platform at the top and thus made it accessible for the public. Being the daring sorts that we are we took heed or the 'you need to be ultra-fit to climb this' notice, scoffed, and climbed. It wasn't as bad as they portrayed - Aussies do love their hyperbole, just look at their current most famous export, Steve Irwin - the walking exageration - and we enjoyed the views from the top. That is, until the winds started picking up again and we made a hasty retreat to the safety of the ground!

The next stop was just outside of Walpole - The Valley of the Giants. This is a $1.8m project set up over 6 years ago that has now received over 1.1m visitors. Set in a forest of tingle trees it is a 600m long circuit walkway that rises to about 40m. The bridges (all cantilever) sway in the wind which was a little un-nerving but it gave was a fun diversion and a great way to view the world as say, a falcon or koala would. Leaving there at about 4pm we had a bit of a dilemma. Denmark was the nearest town some 50kms away - easily doable in full light. Albany - where we really wanted to be was some 100kms away and we weren't too keen to travel in twilight. Just to emphasise the point three 'roos (the first we'd seen since 'fateful-Friday' night) crossed the road just as we were pulling out onto the main highway. Our mind was made up for us when we reached Denmark and saw no food shops, no campsites (only one we saw was down a dirt-road and we're not allowed down them in this van) and no people. It was as deserted as a recruitment company at Friday lunchtime. So we headed off to Albany and made it around 5.40, keeping the speedo well and truly down and 'roo-watching' (didn't see any more but then they say it's the 'ones you don't see') all the way.

So, here we are in Albany. It's only 11am here and already it's rained as heavily as on Saturday, been sunnier than on a Thai beach and been windier than a Heinz convention.

One thing has become very obvious over the course of this holday. How much myself and my dear wife are becoming like our parents. We enjoy guided lighthouse tours (I even decribed it as 'jolly'!!), delight at seeing trees and nature, and even visit a bloody waterwheel. I have also found great delight it spotting real Aussies driving. You can tell real Aussies as when they approach they lift their finger from the steering wheel in a kind of G'day mate' type way. I have had literally hours of fun doing this. Please transport me to the zorbing, snowboarding, bungying paradise of NZ before I start wearing sports-jackets, join the National Trust, and start smoking a pipe.

We didn't play golf - what a shocker. Basically we got to the par 3 course and found out it was all done on an honour system but to hire clubs you had to trek back into town (where we'd just come from). By this time it was getting late so that makes Jen still golf champion. Today we went whale watching, which was a different experience to Moreton Bay. The whales we saw were mother and calf - the calf, although weight a ton or two, and measuring a few metres was only 2 weeks old. They were 'southern right', not humpback, whales, which tend not to breach as often as the humpbacks. The calf was very playful and came within a few metres of the boat - we got some great piccies so will try to add these soon.

We then tried to get to the Cape Leeuwin lighthouse but it was so wet & windy in the car park we thought the van was going to topple over. With discretion being the better part of valour we decided to take a raincheck (every pun intended) and headed back to the campsite with a view to going back first thing tomorrow.

We have just heard the weather report - we have a 'sever weather warning' (but then so does the whole of Southern Western Australia - an area not disimilar in size to Texas) tonight so it could be fun in our little van!

More good news has come from Jen's previous employers who have come up with an offer for her to go back in January which she is very happy with, although it looks as though her first day back at work will be her birthday...

While I remember yesterday was the day of coincidences - we had 3 in the space of about half an hour. First up we were listening to an Abba record and then crossed over the Abba river. Secondly the jetty at Busselton has a brand spanking new bench donated by the Cornwell family. Thirdly, as we started the jetty walk someone had scrawled their name - K. Jones - on the ground. This is my stepfathers name. That was it so it was more of a thrity minute coincidence thing rather than a full day but there we have it.

We left Margaret River early(ish) this morning and have headed to Augusta (where, yes we're having a game of golf!) where we're staying for a couple of days. On the way we stopped off at Lake Cave which (unsurprisingly) had a lake in it...The 'mood' lighting was very effective and nature had done it's bit too really in creating a much smaller and almost homely cavern compared to yesterdays huge one! We spent a good hour there before heading to the most South-westerly town in Aus. We're going to be here a couple of days (the campsite is cheap) and have booked onto a ludicrously cheap whale-watching tour for tomorrow - it is less than a third of the sum we paid in Brisbane.